One of the struggles we Mainers have is people from away not understanding us. It happens all the time. There’s just something about living here that outsiders just don’t get. A new study has emerged and I checked it out as much as I check out anything and it appears to be legit. A site called Estately has a blog somehow connected to real estate that measures things in each state. This is the blog that claimed the most searched thing on Google in Maine was lyrics to Nickelback songs. OK.

Anyway, they’ve done some research and published their results in blog titled, “U.S. States Most Likely To Have A Miserable Thanksgiving.”

I am not making this up. Seems that Maine is Number 8.

The folks in only seven other states are likely to have a more miserable Thanksgiving than we are, based on their criteria.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, as was I, how they determined what a miserable Thanksgiving actually is. Turns out there were six things that they surveyed:

• Likelihood of a food poisoning incident. This was based on the number of food poisoning events per capita in the last five years.

• Likelihood of relatives getting drunk and causing a scene.

• Likelihood of political arguments.

• Dietary restrictions affecting meal quality. I guess this means that you can’t eat what is served.

• Likelihood of favorite NFL team losing on Thanksgiving day.

• Likelihood of guests or cooks to abandon everything for a Black Friday sale.

Let’s just take a look at Number 5, shall we? The Patriots are not even playing on Thanksgiving and if they were, the likelihood of them losing is very slim. This made me suspect that the whole survey was bogus, so I took a closer look.

Number 1. Sometimes, the bird can sit out longer than it should because you didn’t plan ahead enough and the temp can rise to a point that’s not safe. You should always use best practices around poultry, which means not keeping the bird at room temperature very long, but you won’t know you got salmonella until after Thanksgiving or at least close to the end of the day, so it shouldn’t make you miserable all day. Miserable the next day or two, sure. A sick day on Friday and the weekend to recover. You’ll have a great story at work on Monday unless all your coworkers were careless, too.

Number 2 is likely, but it shouldn’t make for a miserable Thanksgiving. These are opportunities to use your phone camera for funny videos to post on Facebook. There’s not that much entertainment this time of year here in Maine.

Number 3 is the same. Of course there will be political arguments. We expect them. If you combine Number 3 with Number 2, you have the makings of a very memorable Thanksgiving. People who witness these sorts of things are far from miserable.

Finally, Number 6. Nobody really cares if the chef or the guests bail for a Black Friday sale, as long as the food has been cooked.

This is another clear example of people from away not understanding the values of Maine people. They compare us to them and decide that we will be miserable based on their six criteria.

They just don’t get it. This constant battle we face trying to get people from away to understand us instead of judging us by their standards continues.

I’m calling on all Mainers to do the best they can to accomplish five of the six things in the survey. Never mind that stupid Patriots losing thing. Do your best to be part of the other five and let’s show the world that their standards are not the standards of Maine!

Lighten up and have an awesome Thanksgiving.

Bill Packard lives in Union and is the founder of BPackard.com.  He is a speaker, author, small business coach and consultant.