Mon, 03/27/2017 - 8:15pm

Bill Packard

Despite my advancing age, I think I’ve kept up pretty well with appliances. Technology, not so much, but appliances, I feel pretty good around. Recently brought the washing machine back to life, fixed a bother with the oven and got the dishwasher pumping water out, again. Speaking of the dishwasher that reminds me of a tip that I’d like to share with young married, about to be married, or live-in males: Dishwashers have a green light on the door that is very, very important. When the green light is illuminated, do not approach the dishwasher and under no circumstances open the door.

The illuminated green light means that the dishes inside the washer are clean. Depending on how much you participate in the household duties, you may have actually hit the button to start the cleaning process and at the very least you should be putting your dirty dishes in the machine. Even if you have no idea what it does or how it works, the least you can do is put your dirty dishes in the magic box that turns them clean.

My life has been made up of poor judgement after poor judgment and as such, I’ve become somewhat of an expert at making the best of poor judgments.

This evening after finishing supper, I approached the counter area above where the dishwasher sits and set my dishes down. Without checking for the green light, I opened the door. Immediately, I knew. Yes. The dishwasher was full of clean dishes. Since I had no reason to be cautious opening the door, there was slight sound.

As luck would have it, Kathy was comfortably napping in the recliner in the corner, so I thought I would get off scot-free, but without opening an eye she said the words every husband dreads hearing: “Those are clean.”

Now, I’m screwed. If I don’t take action and empty the dishwasher, I’m a chump.

It never would have happened if I hadn’t opened the damn door.

Now the chore begins. At one time, I thought it was funny to put little used kitchen utensils away in places that I thought made sense. There is no need to go into detail here about those events, but let’s just say they didn’t end up as funny as they started.

My good friend, Mike Fong, in Phoenix, sometimes has his mother visit and she loves to unload the dishwasher and put things wherever she thinks they fit. It tips his whole kitchen upside down and it takes him forever to find things, but it’s his mother so he doesn’t say anything.

In my case, along with having to put all the dishes away that I know where they belong, there’s all the other stuff that I have to ask about.

Without boring you with detail after detail, here’s how the conversations go.

Me: “Where does this thing go?”

Kathy: “In the drawer.”

If your kitchen is like mine, there are several options when it comes to “drawer.” Obviously I don’t do well with those instructions. Other helpful tips I get are “In the cupboard” and “with the others.”

It’s an empty feeling to go through all that just to finally put my dish and fork in the empty dishwasher. And that brings me to another dishwasher thing that I don’t understand. We moved into this house about 17 years ago and shortly after that installed the Whirlpool dishwasher that just does the job like a boss.

Something happened about a year or less ago. For the first time ever, I was instructed to rinse the dishes.

It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that this did not compute in my pea brain. I asked a lot of questions. The replies were more replies than answers and it didn’t take me long to realize, even as slow as I am, that the best thing to do would be to just rinse the dishes and keep my mouth shut.

Now it comes down to once again the difference between men and women. If a dish or utensil or two are not completely clean when I empty the dishwasher, I just leave the item in the machine. Sooner or later the magic box will produce a clean item.

My lovely bride, who I think the world of, sees this as sign of failure. Something that cannot be tolerated.

This is very similar to starting the dishwasher if there is any possibility of adding one more knife. I put my dirty dish in the magic machine and think: “That looks like a load. I’ll add some soap and start it.”

Wrong!

No matter where she is in the house, when she hears the soap packets hit the door I hear: “Don’t start that. It’s not full. I’ll take care of it.”

Something happened to the dishwasher. It used to wash dishes perfectly clean without my pre rinsing. Not anymore. I used to know when the washer was full. That’s all changed now, too. It’s still a magic machine in my mind and beats the hell out of washing dishes by hand.

Bill Packard lives in Union and is the founder of BPackard.com. He is a speaker, author, small business coach and consultant.